Gerhardt Schtitt

He is the Head Coach and Athletic Director at E.T.A. He is nearly 70 years old, and the only person with whom he lets his pedagogical hair down is Mario Incandenza. He even lets Mario ride surplus in the sidecar of his cart around the academy. Schtitt is hired by James Incandenza at ETA because he sees tennis as a mathematical equation. During practices, Schtitt watches the students from a nest they call the Tower. He often tells the boys to remain fully present during their matches, and that the best way to win is not with their bodies but with their minds.


Dr. Dolores Rusk

She is the Ph.D. level counselor at E.T.A. Despite having a Ph.D., Rusk isn’t a very good counselor, and normally just sits there with caged hands and repeats the last thing her patient has said in a question form back at him/her. Because of this, Lyle, Mario Incandenza, and Avril Incandenza tend to handle most of the psychic problems at E.T.A. Michael Pemulis has a strong disdain for Rusk, which is something nobody quite understands, and he even goes as far as rigging the doorknob on her office door so that it  electrocutes her when she grabs it (though the whole scheme backfires, (See Cleaning Lady, Below)).


Mr. Aubrey F. deLint 

He is one of E.T.A.’s prorectors (young staffers who double as academic and athletic instructors). DeLint believes that interior worth is derived from a ranking system or something exterior. This belief causes the believer to assume that those ahead of them on the “ranking system” are that much happier than them, which isn’t necessarily the case. He is one of the hard-ass prorectors at E.T.A.


Lateral Alice Moore

She is the secretary for Charles Tavis. Before this gig she is a helicopter pilot, until a major helicopter collision happens that leaves her with chronic oxygen debt and a condition where she can only move from side to side (hence the moniker “Lateral”).


Coach White 

He is the Varsity tennis coach at E.T.A. He is one of the three authority figures questioning Hal Incandenza in the opening of the novel.


Mary Esther Thode

She is one of the prorectors at E.T.A. Ted Schacht has taken the course she’s taught all three times it’s been offered, despite the room always smelling like Vitamin-B when Thode is there.


Mlle. Thierry Poutrincourt

She is the Quebec history prorector at E.T.A. She is a tall Québecer former Satellite pro, and her right forearm is nearly twice the size of her left forearm. She has a long face and a way of looking elsewhere when she speaks. She believes that E.T.A. is trying to prevent the burn of adult anxieties and pressures in their students by making hard work a routine.


Donni Stott

She is one of the prorectors at E.T.A. who likes to clock and chart Millicent Kent’s serve. She teaches a Valley-Map “laugher”, a term for an incredibly easy class.


Rik Dunkel

He is one of the brighter prorectors at E.T.A., and is all around a nice guy. He is the son of a plastic-packaging-systems tycoon on the South Shore.


Tex Watson

He is one of the protectors at E.T.A. He teaches a class that covers Cold-Containment DT-annulation and lay-physics survey of combustion and annulation.


Corbett Thorp

He is a lax prorector on Hal Incandenza’s floor at E.T.A. who teaches a course on geometric distortions, which some students find difficult.


Neil Hartigan

He is one of the prorectors at E.T.A. He is 2 meters in height and is feared by everyone because he doesn’t speak much.


Tony Nwangi

He is one of the prorectors at E.T.A.


Barry Loach

He is the Head Trainer and a coach at E.T.A. According to the saga, Barry comes from a large Catholic family. His mother wants one of her kids to enter the R.C. clergy, but one by one they all fall into different areas and paths that don’t involve religion. The second to last Loach shows promise of fulfilling their mother’s dreams by working towards become a licensed Jesuit, but at 25 he suffers a spiritual decline that leaves him without faith in humanity. Barry, being the youngest, then has all of the pressure to become an RC clergy thrust onto him, and he goes to see his brother to convince him that the world isn’t all that bad. They put together a deal where Barry pretends to be homeless and asks people to touch him; instead they throw lots of money at him which, according to Barry’s brother, doesn’t fulfill the contract. Barry loses his work-study job at Boston College as an athletic trainer and has to drop out of school because he is so determined to prove his brother wrong. Then, after nine months into the Challenge, Mario Incandenza actually comes across Barry while James Incandenza is filming nearby and he high-fives him, restoring Barry’s faith in humanity and ultimately landing him a job at E.T.A.


Syrian Satellite Pro

He is a trainer hired for two weeks at E.T.A., who works with Ted Schacht during his stay.


Mrs. Clarke

She is the Head Chef at E.T.A. She is so disturbed by the random moving objects around the academy that she eventually stops coming in to work.


Dr. E. Zegarelli

He is Hal Incandenza‘s dentist at E.T.A. At one point in the novel he pulls Hal’s sensitive tooth out.


Disney R. Leith

The History of Entertainment I and II professor at E.T.A. He is featured on the filmography of James Incandenza, and is also James’s production assistant. He also carries the cameras for James.


Mrs. Pricket

She is James Incandenza’s loyal sound engineer.


Mr. Ogilvie

He is James Incandenza’s Best Boy.


Ms. Soma Richardson-Levy-O’Byrne-Chawaf

She is James Incandenza’s third favorite actress.


Mrs. Ogilvie

She is Hal Incandenza’s seventh grade teacher.


Ms. Heath

She is E.T.A.’s fourth and fifth grade crafts teacher.


Otto Brandt

A custodial worker at E.T.A. He lives in an attic apartment with Kenkle (See Below). His files claim that he is on the Submoronic – Moronic I.Q. scale. He co-stars with Kenkle in James Incandenza’s film Zero-Gravity Tea Ceremony after meeting James on the T (a train). After the film, James hires him and Kenkle as custodial workers at E.T.A.



A custodial worker at E.T.A. He lives in an attic apartment with Brandt (See Above). He has dreadlocks. He receives a doctorate in low-temperature physics from UMass, though is court-martialed between the age of 21 and 23 for reasons that change every time you ask him. He is an incredible spitter, and directs Brandt’s cleaning with his spit. He co-stars with Brandt in James Incandenza’s film Zero-Gravity Tea Ceremony after meeting James on the T (a train). After the film, James hires him and Brandt as custodial workers at E.T.A.


Dave Harde

“Dave ‘Fall Down Very’ Hard”. He is an old custodial worker at E.T.A. He is laid off from Boston College for contracting narcolepsy, and then is hired later at E.T.A. He despises Kenkle (See Above).


Cleaning Lady

She is one of the custodial workers at E.T.A. She ends up touching the doorknob of Dolores Rusk’s (See Above) office door with yellow rubber gloves and ends up with a permanent perm and crossed-eyes.


FX Byrne

“FX ‘Follow That Ambulance’ Byrne”. She is the Cleaning Lady’s (See Above) Ward Boss, and is a personal-injury JD.



He is the pee analyzer at E.T.A. during the pee tests.


Image Source: http://s877.photobucket.com/user/JerryLundegaard/media/eta.png.html