Bruce Green

Mr. Green

“Pop”. He is Bruce Green’s father. He is once an aerobics instructor, but it seems that either one of his legs has grown six inches or one of his legs has retracted six inches, and he no longer can perform. He later transfers jobs to work for a place called Acme Novelties ‘N’ Notions (a company whose items are seen in the Antitoi Brother’s store), a prank-item company. On Bruce’s fifth Christmas Eve, Mr. Green gives Mrs. Green (See Below) a can of Mauan Loa nuts (her favorite), though instead of being filled with nuts, the can contains a fake, coiled snake that springs up from the depths of the can once she opens it—a fright that sends Mrs. Green into a death-shock (that at first Mr. Green thinks she is faking). After her death, Mr. Green packs a case of Blammo Cigars with lethal explosives and is arrested and given the death penalty.


Mrs. Green 

She is Bruce Green’s mother. She dies on Christmas Eve from a prank snake gift given to her by Mr. Green (See Above), which sends her into a shock that kills her.


Bruce Green’s Aunt

She is Mrs. Green’s (See Above) sister, and a Seven-Day Adventist. She takes Bruce in once his mother dies and his father (See Above) is arrested, and she does not make him talk about anything.


Mildred Bonk

She is the girlfriend of Bruce Green, a woman with attitude who smokes Marlboros, has gelled hair, and drinks beer. She and Bruce Green have a child, Harriet Bonk-Green (See Below), and they live together with Tommy Doocey (See Below). Once that living arrangement goes off-kilter, a man in a hat (See Below) offers her and Harriet a place to stay in New Jersey.


Harriet Bonk-Green

She is the child of Mildred Bonk (See Above) and Bruce Green.


Tommy Doocey 

He is a pot-and-sundries dealer, and the housemate of Bruce Green, Mildred Bonk (See Above), and Harriet Bonk-Green (See Above). Doocey keeps dirty snakes that eat live mice, and Green notices that Doocey likes Mildred Bonk romantically. The smell of the house is entirely too unbearable for Green and Mildred because Doocey never washes his snakes or himself, so they resort to getting wasted in order to bear living there. Doocey tells Mildred of how he used to fuck chickens, and that is the final straw for her and so she takes Harriet (who at this point is three years old) and Bruce to Pine Street, until a man in a hat (See Below) offers Mildred and Harriet a place to stay for free in New Jersey.


A Man In A Hat

He is a man who offers Mildred Bonk (See Above) and Harriet Bonk-Green (See Above) a place to stay in New Jersey after their living arrangement with Tommy Doocey (See Above) falls through.


Bruce Green’s Neighbor

He has two well-groomed dogs who get excited when Bruce walks by their house.