Randy Lenz

Randy Lenz’s Mother

She is a thrice-divorcee obese Data Processor with a laugh that sounds like she is being eaten alive. She never comes to any of Randy’s adolescent school events because she is too big to fit in the chairs. Mrs. Lenz dies during Lenz’s adolescence after using the bathroom on the Greyhound (a train company she uses simply to piss off her husband, Lenz’s stepfather (See Below)). The train, while Mrs. Lenz uses the bathroom, comes upon some poor construction and the movements fling Mrs. Lenz all over the bathroom, until her giant rear-end gets lodged in the open window of the bathroom. She is eventually dislodged from the window after suffering immense pain and frostbite of the butt, and she sues the company and wins a huge settlement. Afterwards, she resorts to eating pastries on the couch instead of going to work. She dies four months after winning the settlement and leaves Lenz none of it, giving it all to her multiple ex-husbands.


Randy Lenz’s Stepfather

He is an overweight Amtrak train conductor with unresolved issues who used to make Lenz clean his watches daily and set them to the exact second, otherwise he would beat Lenz with a large coffee-table book. Lenz claims his obsession with time stems from these experiences.



They are a group of people partying on the street where Lenz slit a dog’s throat while Bruce Green witnesses from afar. Eventually three of the Nucks catch up with Lenz outside of Ennet House, each of them with guns and bears and bowling-wear shirts. The Nucks accuse Lenz of killing their dog, to which Lenz denies. Eventually, Lenz uses Don Gately as a shield as two of the Nucks charge at them. All of the residents eventually insert themselves into the situation and a massive fight ensues—during which Lenz runs away and is never seen by them again.


Two Wheel-Chaired People

They live on the first floor of the apartment where the party takes place when Lenz kills the dog. During the fiasco, they watch out the window of their apartment.


Two Oriental Women

Lenz follows them on the street, disguised, and hopes to steal their shopping bags, which he knows are full of money because Oriental women do not believe in banks.


William James

“Bill James”. He is the author of the book Lenz carries around with him about Psychology that he stores his cocaine in.